I Love Tachi Aizawa
by Sasheenka
Summary: Makun ponders about his feelings for his band mate. Very different from my first story.


Title: I Love Tachi Aizawa

Author: Sasheenka

Rating: PG

Pairing: Ma-kun/Tachi

Summary: Ma-kun ponders about his feelings for his band mate.

Disclaimer: Maki Murakami owns Gravitation.

A/N: This can be a prologue for the actual story about what happened to ASK after the end of the anime I have in mind. It depends on your reviews.

Ma-kun's POV

I love Tachi Aizawa

I hardly remember a time it was any different. I've always known that I'm not attracted even to the most beautiful girls, but the only one who knows about it is Ken-chan. he's also the only one who knows about my affection for Tachi. I didn't tell him, he recognized it himself. Ken knows more about me than any other person, Tachi is too self-centered to see anything, but the truth is that I always tried not to give him any clues.

I don't know why I have to be so unlucky, to fell in love with one of my best friends. It's not that bad, would say those who doesn't know Tachi. But I know him and trust me, being in love with him is far from easy. Most people, who have met Tachi left with an opinion of him being arrogant, contemptuous and haughty. But most of those people have never seen him laugh or never heard him speak about something that interests him. They have never been with him when he threw all of his hypocrisy away and he has never looked at them with that intense mysterious gaze, which even I cannot describe with words. Most people don't know Tachi at all.

I mentioned Tachi's gaze, his eyes. They're so deep that it leaves me breathless sometimes. I know some blokes who talk scornfully about his eyes, mock him because of their strange shape. Droopy eyes they call him. Well now not so much, mainly when we were at school and ASK was still unknown. But I've never seen more beautiful eyes in my life.

I've known Ken-chan since I was born, but Tachi we met in junior high. He was one year below us and I never heard about him having any friends there. Tachi was always a bit different from the others. It was only by chance that we bumped on each other in one of the school corridors or better say Tachi bumped on me while he was being chased by some kids from his class. Nevertheless it was the first time we'd ever talked.

Tachi's voice had sounded like beautiful music to me even before I heard him sing for the first time! I know I'm an entirely lost case, deep in love.

Now I've gone off subject a little from explaining why it's such a bad luck to be in love with Tachi Aizawa. So, the first reason is that Tachi is the most complicated person I've ever met. I think he's scared all the time that he won't be good enough. That is also why most of the time he's hiding behind that conceited mask. I feel he's full of angst, but I've no idea how to help him. Tachi never talks about such personal matters to us.

My most treasured memories are those of confiding dreams and plans together with Tachi and Ken. It is impossible to describe. We were so close in these moments and Tachi spoke freely and openly to us.

Unique is also every time Tachi immerses deep in some song and sings so passionately that he truly is shining. I often cannot help myself not to drown in my own fantasies.

But the ordinary Tachi is something different, something entirely different. He's boastful, arrogant, sarcastic and a total fucker. Yes, exactly. Not a single day went by without Tachi bragging about another fan girl he had fucked. He seemed to make a sport out of it. And that's another problem. Tachi and women. WOMEN. Ken-chan told me once that he had seen Tachi kissing some tall long-haired man. But neither of us knows the circumstances. Ken didn't have the courage to ask him about it, so I can't make a judgment about it. I wish I could.

I'd like to know how it feels to kiss Tachi; I'd like to know how his lips taste. I'd slip my hand around his waist and pull him closer to my body, playing with his soft dark locks with my free hand. I would kiss him with all my passion and wouldn't let him go. I know that when I taste him I won't let him go.

No, I need to stop this useless dreaming. But it's hard. It's hard to always stay calm and under control. And my will is not strong at all.

Now, let me show you an insider's look upon events which led to our present, jobless and moneyless, situation.

Our beginning was awesome. We made a contract with Japan's biggest recording label as a promising new band. We were happy.

If you only know how joyful Tachi was, when he heard that we were going to have our first big concert, us, ASK. It was wonderful. We worked hard to get the far and this should have been our reward. Fans came to se us. US! Our first CD was a huge success and we thought the world belonged to us, or at least first place in Japanese hit charts. But when our warm up band Bad Luck began to play and Ryuichi Sakuma, worldwide known vocalist of Nittle Grasper, joined their singer onstage everyone was drawn to them.

Bad Luck was soon in the center of media's attention. But it wasn't just because of their music, but most importantly because of the affair of Shuichi Shindo's relationship with the novelist Eiri Yuki – who coincidentally is married to a sister of Tohma Seguchi - the President of NG and our producer – well, our former producer, but I'll get to this later.

Everyone was now interested in Bad Luck. Not that ASK was mistreated, but Tachi was furious. For the first time in his life he could reach the top spot and some stupid boy, who in Tachi's words got to his place using his skills in bed rather than his voice, stole the spotlight.

That's why Tachi did something that left me thoroughly shaken. And there's the third reason making my love difficult - the fact that Tachi is a complete idiot, who acts before he thinks. He got the idea to blackmail Shindo to quit his band and he made it come true. He hired some blokes to rape Shuichi and he himself took pictures of it. But of course Eiri Yuki heard about it and then I personally experienced the feeling of broken ribs. And believe me there's certainly better stuff to try. The only positive thing about it was Tachi's visits in the hospital. In these moments it seemed that Tachi really cared about me. But Tachi was left very dissatisfied with those events and he confronted Yuki again. I was afraid what might happen, what foolishness Tachi might cause and I also feared Yuki-san would hurt him. That was why I informed Shuichi about it. But nothing bad would have happened if only Tohma Seguchi didn't appear out of thin air right in from of Yuki's house and if only he "accidentally" didn't push Tachi in front of an upcoming car.

It's almost unbelievable that Tachi wasn't seriously hurt and it was Seguchi's only luck, because if anything happened to Tachi nothing would restrain me from vengeance. Because death isn't equivalent punishment for his actions, as horrible as they were.

From that incident, which he survived just with a slightly shaken brain and heavily shaken self-confidence, Tachi has exchanged fits of anger for states of utter apathy. It was the first I've ever seen him cry and it was sight I'll never forget.

But that wasn't enough for Seguchi. As the president of NG Records he has a power many only dream about. He certainly has a power above our future. He fired us saying he's going to make sure no other recording studio will ever hire us. And I have no reason not to believe him. Of course he offered Ken and me, that if we found another vocalist NG would "open its arms for us again". Who does he think he is?

Tachi's act shattered our dreams of great future. Tachi knows this. There is not a single day without his apologizes, despite our forgiveness given to him long ago.

What worries me aside from what we're going to live of is that Tachi doesn't feel pity for what he did. Well he does, but not in the sense he should. He pities it only because we carry consequences of his actions too, not because of what he caused Shuichi. I know he still hates him. He hates him even more now that Shuichi Shindo and Bad Luck have splendid future before them, whereas we'll be glad for playing in some clubs.

Loving Tachi is far from easy, but if you knew him as much as I do, saw him laugh, heard him talk with interest, were with him when he was true self, and if he looked at you like he looks at me, maybe you would understand.


End file.
